Ron Kelly scores improv Award

by Michael Erskine

TORONTO---Last year was a banner year for the improv career of Ron Kelly (son of Linda Kelly, of Sheguiandah), but nothing prepared him for the excitement of winning the prestigious Globehead Award on the Bad Dog Theatre stage.

Mr. Kelly can legitimately claim top banana status in the Manitoulin Island improv lineup this year as well, as in order to claim the gold-plated Million Dollar Man statuette he had to beat a combination of the two favourite improv teams that included that very talented Manitoulin alumnus, Herbie Barnes, grandson of Aundeck Omni Kaning's Corella Corbiere.

"Herbie's team is called 'Tonto's Nephews;' they are a First Nation troupe with members from reserves all across the province," explained Mr. Kelly. "They were the second favourites, just behind Improvimatrixx."

Improvimatrixx, explained Mr. Kelly, was the nom de guerre for the improv sensation, Slap Happy, a group that routinely shares stage space internationally with the top improv players from Mad TV and Second City.

"They showed up dressed in leather," recalled Mr. Kelly. "The Globehead Tournament tends to be a little schticky. They just did it because they thought it would be funny, and it was."

The Globehead Tournament has begun to garner a great deal of prestige and the 16 teams invited to compete now represent some of the best comedic performers in the country.

"The Second City guys tend to show up and most of the mainstage people from TheatreSport are in it as well," said Mr. Kelly. "It is really becoming quite an event."

Mr. Kelly's group, with the relatively staid moniker 'Sup Sup and the A'rights,' won their own division and waited to see which of the two top ranked groups they would be meeting in the finals.

"It was a tie, so to break it they turned up the house lights and started counting hands," he said. "Then one of the guys from Improvimatrixx suggested they form a single team, as both groups were short-handed. The crowd went wild with the idea."

Although the referees were uncertain about the legality of the plan under the rules, the Sup Sup and the A'rights team ran out onstage and endorsed the plan, making it a lock.

When the dust had settled and the last improv skit was complete, Mr. Kelly's team was the crowd favourite.

Mr. Kelly is now on the mainstage of TheatreSport, the only portion of what is now known as Bad Dog Theatre Company for artistic and licensing reasons, and his presence there is even more of an accomplishment, in his mind, than the winning of the Globehead.

"I am clearly the rookie onstage," he laughed. "I am the only member of the cast with less than 10 years' experience."

But he is quite happy with his junior status, pointing out that it is the best way to learn your craft.

"I was in a band for many years," he said. "They say that you should always try to be the worst member in your band; the best way to advance is if you are surrounded by better players."

Mr. Kelly can be seen on stage pretty much every Saturday at 8 pm, when the mainstage production takes to the bright lights, but great improv can be seen at Bad Dog Theatre Company's converted Caldwell Banker offices nearly ever day of the week, as students take their turn in the spotlight.

He has also been involved in his own stage production, Creepmare on Nightstreet, which as the name clearly indicates is a sendup of nearly every horror movie clichZ.

Like many aspiring artists, while he pursues his first love in the glare of the footlights, Mr. Kelly works in a 'day job' at a sales agency office.

He will be returning to school full-time next year to complete a BA in Theatre and English he has been working on part-time.

NORTHEASTERN MANITOULIN and the ISLANDS - The Town of Northeastern Manitoulin and the Islands (NEMI) may be facing a second Ontario Municipal Board (OMB) hearing, this time over the town's decision with regard to a zoning amendment for Fisher Harbour.  

Both the Whitefish River First Nation and the McGregor Bay Association have separately filed the appeals on the town's decision to allow Alexander Centre Industries Ltd., the company that owns Fisher Harbour, to construct a building nearly 100 feet in height. Prior to the decision, Alexander Centre Industries Ltd. had been limited to buildings less than 12 metres in height at the site.  

Chief Franklin Paibomsai, of the Whitefish River First Nation, confirmed his community had filed for an OMB hearing on the matter. He said his community wanted to look into the council's decision to make sure everything was "above board." His community had filed for an appeal on March 10, the deadline for submissions.  

According to McGregor Bay Association President Dick Lockrem, the association had applied "based on the fact that we believe proper due diligence was not conducted by NEMI in passing the ordinance." The McGregor Bay Associations appeal was also filed on March 10.  

The OMB is an independent adjudicative tribunal that hears appeals and applications and resolves land use disputes under a variety of legislation. The OMB listens to the appeals and concerns of individuals that object to decisions made by a variety of approval authorities, with regard to issues related to official plans, zoning by-laws, subdivision plans, consents to sever land, minor variances from local by-laws, development charges, applications for aggregate licenses, and compensation for expropriated land. The Ontario government appoints members to the OMB, and these members include people from different areas of the province with diverse backgrounds such as lawyers, former elected officials, engineers, surveyors, planners and public administrators.  

Currently, NEMI is already faced with another potential OMB hearing, following an appeal by the Streetwise Development Corporation with regard to council's decision to turn down an Official Plan Amendment and a Zoning By-Law Amendment in order to allow for the construction of a Quality Inn at Low Island.  

by Neil Zacharjewicz  

MANITOULIN - Thanks to powerplay goal by local talent Ian Hutchinson, the Manitoulin Wild are set to kick-off the playoffs tonight in St. Ignace against the Northern Michigan Black Bears.  

Hutchinson's goal propelled Manitoulin to a 5-4 victory over the Black Bears on Saturday, vaulting them into third place in the Western Conference for the season, and earning the team a more favourable playoff match-up. The Wild has beaten the Black Bears three times in eight meetings this season. Had the team slipped to fourth spot, it would have faced the Soo Thunderbirds, the only team in the Northern Ontario Junior Hockey League (NOJHL) that the Wild has failed to beat this season.  

Playoff games are scheduled tonight (Wednesday) and tomorrow night (Thursday) in St. Ignace. Both games will start at 7:30 pm. The series returns to Manitoulin this Saturday and Sunday. Saturday's tilt will begin at 7:30 pm, while Sunday the teams square off beginning at 7 pm. Game Five will take place on Tuesday in St. Ignace, beginning at 7:30 pm, while Game Six is scheduled for Thursday, March 25 at the NEMI Recreation Centre home ice, beginning at 7:30 pm. Game Seven, if necessary, will be held in St. Ignace on Friday, March 26, beginning at 7:30 pm.  

by Jim Moodie

MANITOULIN--Farmers are, almost by definition, problem-solvers, accustomed to dealing daily with a wide range of challenges. Haying, calving, milking, these are just the most obvious things that farmers do--they also fix equipment, calculate feed requirements, manage their books, cut and mill wood, maintain buildings and fences, the list goes on. They're factotums, farmers, and when there's a problem, they simply roll up their sleeves--or sharpen their pencils--and get to it.

What's so frustrating about the current beef crisis to such folks is that, in many ways, it's out of their hands. The trade ban with the US remains the biggest threat to their livelihoods, yet there isn't much a farmer can individually do to get the border reopened. That's a task for the politicians. As Western Manitoulin cattle farmer Jeff Heitkamp notes, "I think diplomacy is the only way at this point to get the markets reopened."

That said, farmers aren't just sitting around wringing their hands and waiting for the trade ban to lift. In the meantime, they're putting their heads together to find interim methods to alleviate the problem, and to develop strategies that will make Canada less dependent on the US in the long run. "Hopefully there are lessons to be learned from this," says Tehkummah dairy farmer Jim Anstice. "It's been a big mistake, for instance, for Canada to have every cow slaughtered in the States."

The provincial government seems to have recognized that there has been an over-reliance on US slaughterhouses and packing facilities, recently announcing $10 million in funding "to support a new cull-animal strategy, and to provide new markets for Canadian beef in the wake of the closing of the US border to Canadian livestock," according to a press release. Jim Martin, Northern Ontario representative for the Ontario Cattlemen's Association (OCA), says that a good chunk of that money is being committed to the creation of a new slaughterhouse in Kitchener. "There used to be the MGI plant there, which closed four or five years ago. This new one is called Gencore Foods," he explains.

The province also pledged $7 million to beef farmers to "ease the transition to a new generation of farm safety nets," promised to establish a national beef "strike force" to rebuild international confidence in Canadian beef, and said it is committed to having 118 full and part-time meat inspectors in place by April 1. Mr. Martin welcomes these moves, although he notes that it won't result in immediate relief for farmers. "Certainly it's a help, for the long-term, but it doesn't mean money in farmer's pockets right now. As far as immediate aid goes, it's not going to help much."

The federal government is also expected to announce an aid package in the coming weeks. "There have been some strong hints, and we believe there will be something coming," says Mr. Martin.

One of the disaster relief measures that the OCA has called for in a statement released this month is a loan guarantee for cattle producers that would be "interest free for up to one year or for 60 days following the opening of the US market for live cattle (whichever is the shorter time period)." Additionally, the OCA is advocating, as a form of disaster assistance, a direct cash payment to farmers of $150 per head of cattle (excepting bred and milking cows, as well as breeding bulls). Whether the federal government goes that far remains to be seen.

Meanwhile, local farmers are still stuck with burgeoning herds, and have precious few options for selling their cattle, particularly the older cull cows. Prices are rock bottom, and the nearest abattoirs are in Sturgeon Falls and Bruce Mines, a three hour, and three-and-a-half hour, drive, respectively.

With prices the way they are, it hardly pays to transport a cow to such facilities--a reality that has only underlined the need for a slaughterhouse on Manitoulin. As Mr. Anstice notes, "had there been an abattoir here when this crisis occurred, we might not have made a lot of money, but we would have made more than selling straight to stockyards. And we could cover some of the hamburger market locally."

Manitoulin has not had a slaughterhouse since the one in Spring Bay closed several years ago, but this could change soon. Richard Williams, a resident of M'Chigeeng First Nation, has acquired all the permits necessary for the construction of a new abattoir and butcher shop, and says he "is just waiting for the snow to melt so we can start building."

If all goes according to plan and Mother Nature cooperates, the new facility could be processing beef as early as September, he says. Mr. Williams has worked as a meat inspector, both provincially and federally, and says that all the meat will be properly inspected and graded, suitable for selling in Island stores.

While Manitoulin produces more beef than can be consumed locally, a local abattoir will certainly provide a handy and useful option for Island farmers. "It wouldn't eliminate the beef crisis, but it would sure help," says Mr. Heitkamp. Consumers might appreciate the option of buying local beef as well, whether it's directly from Mr. Williams, or the farmer, or perhaps in one of the local grocery stores.

Mr. Heitkamp says that the Co-Op Valumart in Gore Bay has expressed a willingness to stock local beef, provided it has passed all necessary inspections, and the Foodland in Mindemoya is also agreeable, according to Mr. Williams. "They are supplied through Sobey's, and have to get a certain amount through them, but I talked to Sam Bondi, and he said they could handle some Manitoulin beef."

At present, most of the younger cattle on Manitoulin are being sent to southern Ontario feedlots to get fattened up for slaughter, but Mr. Williams believes that a local abattoir would encourage farmers to hold onto some of their prime beef, and have it processed here. Presumably, a year from now one will be able to buy not only Manitoulin hamburger, but Manitoulin steak, in a local store, and if marked as such, might inspire some patriotic purchasing. Mr. Heitkamp notes that the LaCloche Manitoulin Business Assistance Corporation (LAMBAC) has developed a "Made on Manitoulin" marketing logo which "would be perfect for that."

But even if Mr. Williams is successful in getting his slaughtering and butchering business off the ground, challenges remain for local cattle and dairy farmers. The closure of the main export markets--the US, primarily, but also Japan and Korea--has resulted in a glut of beef domestically, and to get things moving again will probably take either a significant new international market or, perhaps, a drastic measure--namely a mass cull of the older cows that might have been exposed to Bovine Spongiform Encephalitis (BSE) through the contaminated feed outlawed in 1997.

Developing a new international market is neither easy nor quick, says Mr. Martin. He's skeptical that a European country, for instance, will suddenly present a solution to our stockpile of beef. "They subsidize their farmers so much that, even with our depressed prices, we probably can't compete." Many European nations are also highly paranoid about BSE, and could demand that every carcass is subjected to a lab test before it is allowed in the country, as Japan is currently doing.

Canada could conceivably begin testing every cow for BSE, but Mr. Martin says that it's not only unnecessary--the head of the Canadian Food Inspection Agency himself has argued that eliminating the spine and brain is a far better, safer course of action, according to the farmer--but it's also impractical and uneconomical. "We don't have the facilities right now to test every cow--it would be 16 months before we could get up to speed for that."

Plus it would be costly. "To test every one would cost $30 to $50 per animal," Mr. Martin says. And given that Japan "only buys one cut out of the carcass, albeit a premium one (strip loins), it's not really worth it to us to try to satisfy that one market. We couldn't compete with Australia."

Both Canada and the US are looking into increased testing of cows for BSE, but neither country feels it is necessary or feasible to test every cow.

An alternative is to euthanize all the cows that are old enough to have been possibly infected by cross-contaminant feed (understood to be the cause of BSE). But Mr. Martin says that the industry is leery of doing this, as animal rights activists will surely raise a fuss, and consumers might get queasy as a result. He also says that it would be difficult for farmers, who "put a lot of pride into breeding their herds over the years." Euthanizing older cows would "likely represent a complete loss" financially, but it would also be "heartbreaking" on an emotional level, he says.

Some farmers, however, feel this might be the only way out of the problem, as difficult as it would be on both a financial and emotional level. "If that (a mass cull) is what it takes to get get markets open and things moving, it might be what we have to do," says Mr. Heitkamp. He believes that rather than turn consumers off of beef, such a strategy would actually "add confidence, because we're taking steps to (eliminate health risks)." He admits that it would be a financial hit for farmers, "but look at the hit we're taking now," he reasons. "If this is what will take to cure the industry, it's worth it."

Other ways out of the crisis have been bandied about. Howland farmer Ken Ferguson has one of the more novel suggestions. "I think one way to get out of this slump might be to give away a few boatloads of beef," either as foreign aid to developing countries, or to a country like Japan that is banning North American beef products at present, but might consider relaxing their ban when confronted with a gift.

Mr. Ferguson says that when Britain experienced its mad cow crisis, meat was "put in the freezer for 10 years." This is an option for Canadian beef producers as well, but hardly an ideal (or palatable) one.

Supplying developing countries with beef is an idea worth considering, says Mr. Martin, but he doesn't believe it is very promising. "The problem there is that they don't have the refrigeration for the storage of beef, and they're not used to it in their diet. It might help somewhat (to explore this market), but I don't know how much."

While all of these interim and partial solutions are worth investigating, a complete revival of the beef industry pends the reopening of the major export markets.

No-one really knows how long this will take. But Mr. Martin has more confidence in the new players on the federal scene to resolve the crisis than he did in their predecessors. "I can say that the new Minister of Agriculture (Bob Speller) has spent more time on this than the previous minister. And he's kept us up to date, sharing the minutes of meetings he's had with his counterparts in the US and Asia, whereas before we were pretty much in the dark. Our present government is working a lot harder on this."

The ball, unfortunately, seems to be in the court of the US. But if our federal representatives are working as hard as the average Canadian farmer does on the problems they encounter daily on their farms, maybe there's an end in sight to this crisis.